breaking dawn...

before my day ends, I find my brain spouting out blog worthy material that I can't type because

1. I am lying in bed

2. nasa taas pa ang computer at nakakatamad umakyat at 1 am.

yes. 1 am. i have had the most erratic body clock since I have left the workforce. I now feel like I'm a call center agent still wide awake at this time while instantaneously falling into deep sleep around 3-5 pm. or...pwede ring jetlagged person galing US. ahahahaha.

hay naker.circles. I feel like I am going around in circles...like a dog chasing its tail...at nahihilo na ako at hindi ko alam paano tumigil. exactly a year ago, I saw my blog entry about the upcoming board exams...one day more ika nga ng kanta ng Les Miz...with matching lyrics ahahaha. and now...one year after...I feel like I've been in a suspended state of animation. but boy am I glad that boards' season is over and done with. it's not something I would want to repeat. ahahaha. BUTH! meron pa nga palang specialty and subspec boards..BUTH ulit....I guess ano...wala ng mas sasaklap pa sa pakiramdam bago ang medical licensure examinations...kung saan nakataya ang pangarap mo. ahahaha.

how weird it is that now I'm in front of the computer typing...I can't seem to compose myself. haha. iba pa rin pag ang utak mo ay diredirechong nagfifire na parang baril...if only I could take those profound thoughts and transform them into blog entries. like the other night I was contemplating about my life as a commuter for the past 27 years...or the other night I had this blogworthy thought of hand me downs...and the other about how children "can make tiis" their parents...but in the end...parents don't....or how hard it is to be alone when you're an only child... and how sometimes I feel like I'm retreating more into myself....or how sad it is to be awake on a Friday night with Facebook and some random movie as your companion while you keep on attempting to read and keep on failing every single time...or how hard it is when you feel like you don't wanna be your parents but you're thankful for them....or the other day where I pondered on my encounters with guys and how it changed from someone helping me dress up, to one shoving a slushie down my back ( and yes, that was way before glee),to proclaiming to my face that no one in their right mind would want to be with someone like me...let alone make me a teenage mom,  to standing me up during prom night, to liking them and finding out that they are fictional characters, taken, di ma-reach, di realistic, and of course ang walang kupas na...becky or halaman or walang kasarian...or to that time when I thought about my mother's wishes for me in my life and how I have no idea if any of them came true....haha. pinaka-runon sentence.

hope that in this time when I can actually  write...I can make these entries worth nothing but thero thommenths. hahahahahahaha.