A letter for the tough times...and the happy times...and the sad....and the crazy times.

Dear me,

Today maybe one of those days you will remember for the rest of your life.

Keep your head up. You are not defined by your failures.

Fight your monsters. Fight your ghosts. You have the support of your people and the Lord. Only you have the power to vanquish them.

Life is hard and this is just one of those low points. So pick yourself up when you are ready and start walking again.

For now, grieve....but do not wallow.

Cry...but do not despair.

Deal with your disappointments. Lick your wounds. Berate yourself if you must, but never let your mistakes define you. You have done that for a very long time. You are not your anger. You are not your frustrations. You are not exemplified by your anxiety. Believe that you can because you are you.

Trust that all your wounds will heal. Be kind always. Be humble at all times. Love yourself like God loves you. Embrace the lessons today brought to you. Remember and keep them in your heart. Be thankful for the people who are behind and beside you.


You will one day look back that this has been one of the most beautiful journeys you have ever taken.


Love,
me

sugar-less musings...

Today, was another first day of work for me as I have now currently occupied SAFM's previous post as the teacher of the newest batch of refreshies! As I stood there grandstandingly talking about testmanship and asking them to answer previous exams, my mind was inwardly thinking and envisioning me blogging about this experience with an incredulous amount of AHAHAHAHAs interspersed in it. Seriously!  I cannot believe I was teaching them when I actually suck at exams...juskolord!!!!!

Pero gaya nga ng sabi nila, life has a funny way of working out...I cannot even count the number of times my previous professors told me how they were the ones na NOISY! STANDING! TULOG na nakanganga sa likod in their student years. AHAHAHAHAHA. 

So after approximately 2 hours,  I survived my first day. Hopefully hindi naman sila masyadong nagulat na nagpaexam ako on a day that was supposed to be....ORIENTATION day pala! Ahihihi...and now I felt how it was to be on the other side of the fence ....kung saan ikaw na ang sinisipat if you know something or you're just bluffing the hell out of everything. HAHA! I must say, medyo nandoon na nga siguro ako sa life stage na nagsisimula na akong maglife-mantra ng...wait! I know this! that meme about the fucks na wala kang pakialam (and in pure tita fashion, I googled it cause I forgot it!) AHAHAHAHAHAHA ....and my ever trusty peripheral brain google enlightens me with this meme...

                               


AHAHAHA. may meaning pa talaga and explanation yan sa website! kaloka! haha! Haaaaaay, "memes and GIFs," what would we do without you to accurately show our innermost thoughts! #mynewfavoritefeatureinviber AHAHAHA.

This was supposed to be more profound I think or more funny...but I guess I'm not too hyped with sugar...or Carmen's best ice cream (rurok ng kamahalan, pero ubod ng kasarapan)...which tends to give me and my friends deep, profound thoughts. HAHAHAHAHA!

Speaking of sugar and sweetened drinks, SAFM has been hyping up the area of the kingdom of the refreshies, where he said I would find computer shops to print my exams and this wonderful, wonderful source of milk shakes which he said were really good...but I walked up to the main road and I still wasn't able to locate Starr's famous milk shakes! AHAHAHAHAHA.

Here's to zero fucks but more bucks! hahaha!

Rebirth...

And just like that....it has been 4 years since my last bloggeth. Wow. Hahahahaha!

Senior year of residency + Diplomate boards + Fellowship training + Subspec boards + psoriasis progressing to Psoriatic arthritis + new hair color+ (hopefully) a lesser amount of nega-ness+ random church runs + ukulele playing-induced zenification = the new ME! hahahahahaha.

I am once again in that limbo between real-life and nothingness, which has allowed me time to reflect and re-read my blog. In fair, masaya pala rin magbalik-tanaw. Reading all my earlier entries made me realize that I have been on this road for most of my life and I can't believe how long and how far I've walked/swam/crawled/failed. AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ang saya na meron kang time capsule of the past to kind of see how far you've come. (*cue in MOANA music*) Actually, ang totoo, I have this new work c/o my dear friend SAFM which needed me to introspect to a time prior to the Physician Licensure Exam to kind of get a feel of what I need to do to be a more effective educator.

Nakakatawang basahin ang mga earlier rants,whines and emo posts, only to realize that up to now some of them remain the same: the lack of money, how tiring it is to keep studying, the lack of time, and the loneliness of being alone. Nakakatuwang makita na nung 2010,  pag hindi mo alam ang pupuntahan mo magtatanong ka sa mga tao, nagtetext or tatawag ka sa kakilala mo pero ngayon...there's always Waze! How facetime-ing to me and my blogger friends meant was to see each other literally, when now it's this iphone feature ahahaha. How at that time I was almost beyond myself yearning to be back at the shore aka PGH, whereas now I would like to separate myself from it for the next 20 years. Ibang iba na ang mundo ngayon....but let's talk about that in a separate post. HAHAHA. I feel like my mind is bursting with ideas, it has truly been a long time since I've written anything hihi.

Scrolling back while hitting that back button for this blog, I laughed out loud at some of my entries, full of foreshadowing...what with me remembering childhood dreams of being a doctor due to free coloring books and ballpens to remembering from an IM review for boards, almost all the Rheumatology questions (sine qua non of Ankylosing spondylitis and Behcet's, AHAHAHAHA). Now I just finished almost all the required training stuff (thank God!) and am once again on the cusp of something new. True adulting! AHAHAHA.

Sayang hindi ko nadocument lahat ng pwedeng moments from residency and fellowship, but I guess, there's still time for those. Maybe, while I sit staring at the lizards in the clinic I can reminisce on some crazy and funny moments to look back when I'm feeling nostalgic haha.

But for now, it is time to revive this bloggeth again! AHOOOY AHOOOOY AHOOOOOY!