suddenlyyyyyyyyyy....the wheels are in motion!

panahon na naman ng suddenly...sabi sa tv! nakakaloka talaga ang commercial na yan for some multivitamins for kids. what the heck?!?! ano ba ang mga klase ng mga commercial ngayon? WTH? at ang next line pa ay...ok ang lahat tapos suddenly....magkakasakit...at may matching pang nakasulat na suddenly sa clouds...for more!

and then kanina...while i was walking in rob with a friend...na-suddenly ako. i was walking and then suddenly....NATAPILOK ako...and then...for even more....nung nag-attempt ako tumayo...my knees couldn't take this stress....nahulog pa ako lalo with matching flailing of arms and salampak sa floor in slow motion...na parang bang nasa panaginip ka at pinipigilan mo ang self mong mahulog ngunith! and to make matters worse!!!!! nangyari ito sa robinson's for pure and utter ubusan ng poise. IKR!?!?!?! pinakanakakahiya. pang america's funniest home videos. and then i realized it has been a while since I walked for a long time. I'm just sitting here in the house....reading...kaya ayan tuloy. hahaha.

and then for more suddenly's i saw that my TOR/transcript of records had a wrong course code for neuropysch 260...na ang nakasulat ay laboratory in microbiology?!?!!?! at narealize ko sya too late na dahil nakapagpa-photocopy na ako. gosh. oh well...dami talagang kalokahan ng OUR...si AmLin ay nakalagay...straight internship in SI! AHAHA. straight internship in straight internship! AHAHAHAHA. winner. so dahil doon kelangan ibalik si TOR sa OUR at thursday pa daw makukuha kasi suddenly umuwi na daw yung magsisign or magta-type or whatever! grrr. and then...yung PRC form ko naprint ko sa short bond...yun pala dapat sa LONG! ahaha. so pina-enlarge ko pa. and then....SUDDENLY umulan ng BONGGANG BONGGA. pero kebs kasi i have a payong....ngunit kebs naman ang payong kung biglang mawawasak when you need it?!?! IKR! so madalian akong sumakay ng jeep only to suddenly get my head banged sa mababa nyang roof...and pag-uwi ko narealize kong wala akong susi at SUDDENLY ihinagis ng mommy ko yung susi from the 3rd floor of my tita's house ( where she was gathering sinampay) at muntik ng tamaan ang head ko for MORE!

at sa lakas ng ulan ay suddenly nakatulog na ako ng pure. now....as i recount this crazy day's events....narealize ko...indeed...panahon na nga ng suddenly! AHAHAHAHA. grabe. ang sakit ng katawan ko. AHAHAHAHHA!

control...alt...delete!

i have been opening and reopening this window mga 4x today. nakapagopen din ako ng facebook parang mga greater than 5x today for a span of mga 3 seconds each time....para lang may gawin other than read snell's anatomy. funny kasi ang mga status ng mga batchmates ko ay tungkol sa mga frustrations...brp...studying sucks...shoot me now....prc requirements...tor claiming info...at syempre ang walang kupas at walang mintis na MFG...aka message from god. parang ang profile ko sa facebook ay punong puno ng message from god. ahaha. kasi nga naman...in this insane time...who else would you turn to? buti nalang andoon din si God sa FB. hahahaha.

it is one am and i still won't sleep because i feel nauseous after reading. feeling ko naimpatso ang utak ko sa dami ng pinagpilitan kong isiksik na info...with all those nerves...and muscles...and blood supply...and of course...all those fascia and peritoneal fat. IKR! plus origin insertion action...plus branches plus many other things. haha. dagat ng criteria ulit ang feeling! ahahaha.

and now...i feel the next step....ABULIA. hahaha. nakatitig nalang ako sa aking computer screen. at nagbabask in the thought na...OMG. i read two chapters of amazing information and....bleep. nagshut off na si brain. hahahaha. hopefully...magaling ang aking recovery system at marecover ko ang info na sinaksak ko sa brain ko. at the time when i need it the most.

just thinking about the number of entries i made about boards in this blog....hahaha. nakakatawa. i hope that after august....i can look back and LAUGH at all this moments of kabaliwan...and then realize...there are even MORE crazy moments to come! hahaha.

dream a little dream...

surprisingly finished my reading quota for today after a few days of katamaran...so here i am wasting away time blogging after looking through facebook and listening to the glee soundtrack i recently downloaded hahahaa.

my mother once told me that she hopes i fulfill all my dreams before i even think of starting my own family. IKR!?!?! buti sana kung meron na akong mahahatak na sabihan ng let's go make a family!AHAHAHAHAHAHA. nabaliw ako sa katatawa sa nanay ko. recently, i talked with a friend and she told me, okay lang yan, parang 50% na naman ata ng dreams mo natupad mo na what with finishing med school...at naisip ko...HINDI kaya! like 1/4 palang.... like i wanna have a great career but i also want to have material things like an iphone na hindi fake! ahahahahaha. and then i started thinking...aside from of course,our current dream of passing the boards...what else do i still dream? what do i want to be?

and immediately i'm taken to a scene in a supermarket. whenever i feel sad....pupunta akong supermarket. tapos tititigan ko lahat ng pagkain...at iniisip ko na kinakain ko sila. tapos masaya na ako ulit. haha. then i realized, it has been more than 20 years since my family and i have shopped sa grocery na bumibili kami ng gusto namin at hindi yung pinaka-kailangan. yung kind na lagay ka lang ng lagay sa basket at hindi mo iniisip...shucks... where's my calculator? wala bang mas murang brand? isa nalang kaya ang kunin ko? para matikman lang. hahahaha. i guess, the last time i went inside sa grocery at nasabi ko na kuha lang ako ng kuha ng pagkain at okay lang ay...nung mga 7 years old ako. after which...if i'd like to eat something i really want, i had to go sa grocery with my inipong baon for mga 3 days...para makabili ng mga 3 packs ng some new found snack na nakita kong kinakain ng kaklase ko.haha. isa sa pinaka-simpleng pangarap ko...ay madala muli ang magulang ko sa supermarket at masabi sa kanila na...sige po, kuha lang po kayo ng kuha ng gusto niyo. haha. just thinking about it brings me to tears. hahaha. ang nagagawa nga naman sa pagkinig ng mga kantang may lyrics na..." i guess it's not funny...life is far from funny...when the laugh is over...and the joke's on you..." hahaha.

then i realize na nagpalit na ang pinakikinggan ko to i dreamed a dream. AHAHAHA. for more! i'm so scared to make big choices. to take chances. sabi dati ng nanay ko feel na feel niya ang lyrics ng kantang ito...what with..." i had a dream my life would be...so different from this hell i'm living! so different now from what it seemed, now life has killed the dream i dreamed" ahaha. i've seen a lot of crushed dreams from people in my family...and i'm scared like hell that i'll end up like them. so now, eto ako confused like crazy kung ano ang gagawin ko sa buhay ko. hahaha. that is...after the boards. hahaha.

recently din i've been having weird dreams about vehicles,escalators, elevators....lagi akong sumasakay tapos pagsakay ko magmomorph ang surroundings...magkakaroon ng GIANT HUMPS sa daan...mababangag ang elevator at bubukas sara sa lahat ng floor...ang escalator parang nagiging rollercoaster!!!! ahahahahaha. for more subconscious induced kapraning-an.

haha. all this emotion slash drama. i guess this is the most personal entry i've ever written. IKR! haha. all this jinarts music playing in the background. plus pinanood ko pa yung father's day video na may you raise me up for more...tears! ahahahaha. i guess this is part of what they say is pre-boards BRP-ness. hahaha. and as i listen to the music currently playing...POKER FACE na bigla. hahahaha.

pilgrim's theme

I have read somewhere that a pilgrimage is a journey to discover one's self, a time to reflect and think about what you are going to do with the rest of your life... ummmmmmm.... aaaaand there now ends any attempt to make a matino and madrama and malalim na entry in this blog! hahaha....so let's just go back one day prior....tinext ako ng aking sis na si Kulot na pupunta daw bukas sa pink sisters to pray....THIZIZIT! omg. it is time. ...to CRY FOR HELP! so kebs na muna kung delayed na ako sa pharma...i told myself....I need divine intervention! AHAHA. so i woke up really early today to get to school at 5 am for our trip to Tagaytay. spent the ride talking and talking in the car and recounting how hard it is to study....

grabe! ANG HIRAP ng physio!hindeeeeeeeee! mas mahirap ang patho! noooooooooo! pinakamahirap ang pharma! waaaaaaaaah. hindi pa ako tapos sa micro! omg ito talaga.....RENAL PHYSIO!!!!!! (cue in collective and sabayang pagbigkas mode of IKR?!?!!) sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! bakit hindi tayo nagaral ng ICC??!?! BAKEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!

ahahaha. then nung nasa SLEX na kami narealize namin...OMG! walang nakaka-alam kung paano makakarating sa Pink Sisters! Buti nalang may text at naitext ang mga kinauukulan upang makapagtanong. hahaha.

Reached the Divine Mercy Convent where the Pink Sisters lived at around 730 am...the place was really peaceful....quiet....serene...sabi nga nila sakin...OMG! baka hindi mo kayanin...nakalagay pa ang PINAKAMALAKING sign na nagsasabing... SILENCE please! ahahaha. pagpasok ko ng chapel, para akong na-time space warp sa panahong high school ako at napapalibutan ako ng mga madre. hehehe. saw one pink sister praying in the middle and then...nagulat ako after ko magdasal puno na nila yung segregated area for them at bigla nalang silang nagdasal at kumanta. WOW! feeling ko nasa sound of music ako ahahahaha. :P pero joking aside, i have never felt more at peace this past year until that moment. feeling ko para akong nagretreat. haha. the things you miss after leaving a catholic school...hehehe.

then after saying our intentions which of course include 100% po sana! please dear Lord. hehe...we left to go to the Virgin of Manaoag who was "touring" sa Lourdes Church daw....so off we go to the church....to see...that...may ikakasal....ahahaha. yun pala sa gilid na village nung church makikita yung Manaoag....so our dear Sister Pilgrim Gera aka punong A of everything directed us to the place and once again we fell into prayer and begged God to please please...let us PASS the boards. hahaha. then Sister Pilgrim asks...akala ko pupuntahan natin ang lahat ng simbahan!?!?!! AHAHAHHA. naloka kami. pero in fairness...wala na namang ibang simbahan...so we then headed on to Caluruega to pray. as we got there and started going up the stairs to the chapel....tawang tawa kami sa pagka CHF FC IV ng lahat! wala na kasing mga physical activity! AHAHA.

then took day off pics and headed out to eat where we tried to invent a new and improved OSI curriculum where there was a revalida after LUV before the grand OSCE and a pre-internship crash course on the basics and a surgery rotation that makes the clerk and intern first assists! hahaha. then finished off with obligatory batch chismis and looked over the crater of taal to see if totoo ba ang chika na puputok na ang taal? asaan ang usok? ahaha. haay. then was again faced with the reality that we have to go back to manila and study once again.

it's time to hit the books! grabe...the future is soooooooo near. there are so many times we wish na sana tapos nalang ang lahat. and many times we wish we can stop time to allow us time to reabsorb every bit of information we have to take in. it was really nice to have some quiet time...to unload everything and just have faith that we will indeed make it....like all those who have gone before us. sabi nga ng Journey at ng GLEE....don't stop believing! AHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

polar opposites...

recently read an article on the philippine star about boredom. sabi ng author na nakalimutan ko ang pangalan ay...the opposite of happiness is not sadness buth!!! (syempre...ndi buth ang nakaprint sa dyaryo)...BOREDOM!haha. i couldn't agree more. ikr?!?!

i'm so bored/live a boring life that when my friends ask me, "o ano ng bago sa iyo?/ anong kwento mo?" ang sagot ko lang sa kanila ay isang malaking...ABULIA! also known as empty space. slash. blank stare. AHAHAHA. though...even if I live this boring life of unending reading...I'm not complaining. Siguro...pagod lang talaga ako...i guess gaya nga ng sabi ni Ge....parang 256MB lang ang size ng utak ko!!!! ahaha. at ngayon kelangan ko muna magreformat or mag defragment....FOR MORE! disk space. AHAHAHA.

ventured outside the world today to get our graduation pics at tawang tawa kami dahil kuhang kuha ang mga pawis sa aming mga picture. AHAHA. also went to mass at the PGH chapel and was amazed at the pang-facebook status homily ni father....the gospel was about loving your enemy. so father said that it's so hard to love people you hate if you think that the meaning of hate is someone you dislike. tapos bigla nya sinabi ang kanyang FB status moment...

you know, hate is actually...love...that has gone wrong!

ahooooooooy. in fairness. pwede. ahahha. so if i hate studying...i actually looooooove it. pero...mali lang ang approach! AHAHA. and that is me going crazy convincing myself to study. ahahahaha. grabe. nakakabaliw. i hope that one day i can write about something here that's not related to boards during this preboard era. ahahahaha.

analogies....

i am currently looking at this table in brs patho with all the retroviral oncogenes. at ang itsura niya ay mukhang mga randomly typed letters sa keyboard like... v-scr, abl, sis, myc, erb, fms...sdhaylhaksecjeguy. OOOOOOOOOO.MMMMMMMMM.GGGGGGGG. ahahaha. do i need to really know this? will this question make me pass or fail the board exam? ahaha. sabi ng tamad na part ng utak ko....of course noth! pero sabi nga ni melanie marquez....you can never can tell! AHAHAHAHA.

ang hiraaaaaaap ng onco at immuno. it's so abstract to me i can't even make a nice analogy. para lang syang jumbled words. parang gibberish. parang kakabasa ko lang ay hindi ko na sya alam. haha. 3 subjects have passed and i feel that i don't remember anything i have studied. ang tanda ko lang ay nabasa ko sya...like i know i read something about this disease that causes accumulation of ceramide...and this disease that has self mutilation..oh and this parasite that can cause cutaneous larva migrans...prions...hmg-coa...homogentistic acid...HPGRT... glucose...glucose 6-P...fructose 6-P...DHA=glyceraldehyde 3 phosphate...phosphoenolpyruvate...pyruvate...sandamakmak na carboxylase...enzymes....everything is reabsorbed in the PCT!!!!! HAHAHA.

at ngayon nananalig nalang ako kay God na in the very messy cabinet in my brain where i store all this information...may mahuhugot akong pansagot sa mga tanong. haha. ang dami kasing kelangan aralin...everytime I finish a subject, I feel nausea pag nasa last 2-3 chapters na ako ng isang libro. kasi feeling ko lamon ako ng lamon ng info na hindi na kaya ng utak ko...as in literally nasusuka na ako ahahahaha. nakakatawa. somatization at its finest. ikr?!?!?!

everyday is a struggle/ a tug of war with katamaran. kabaliwan. and kapaguran. and kaantukan. and most of all katabaan. haaaay... the life of a preboards post intern. hahaha.

i'd like to thank all my friends who push me to study...you're the best....and to my batchmates who i miss the most...i sometimes wish we were in a giant callroom studying together...but i realize we will all be allosteric inhibitors of one another! AHAHAHAHAHA. sana ang mga nababasa ko maging fat cells ( na hindi mapupunta sa adipose! slash hindi makakdagdag ng kilo!)...dahil sabi nga ni lippincott..."fat cells once gained...are never lost!" ahahahaha.

allosteric inhibition via bloggerase!

no I am still NOT frickin done with frickin biochem. I hate it. and i am currently blogging dahil nababaliw na ako and I need to do something else aside from staring at porphyrias and the synthesis of heme molecules. UTANG NA LOOB! ahahaha. nasa kasagsagan na kami ng reviewing for the exam of our LIVES! aka board exam. and as of now, unti unti na kaming nagb-brp ng aking mga dear classmates. i bet if there was a switchboard of lights signifying the study time of UPCM 2010...parang ang itsura na nya ay blinking lights dahil at one point or another ay may na-o-off sa kanyang pag-aaral para magBRP! ahahahaha.

a few days ago, I got a text that said that if you claim it, it will be given to you...so dapat daw iclaim na namin that we will pass the boards....because we can! ahaha. at nung tinext pass ko ang kasentihang ito ay ang daming nagreply sa akin na ...OMG! thanks...nagbBRP na ako kanina lang... tinatapon ko na libro ko sa pader! ahahaha. i also had my very own BRP moment when i suddenly woke up to run and get my lippincott para magbasa dahil...20 pages lang ang nabasa ko that day. AHAHAHAHA. during all these study time, narealize ko na studying medicine is like planting a tree. parang nabubuo sya from the inside and out tapos ang info ay layer by layer itinuturo sa iyo. at dapat yung basics solid ang foundation...or else...you will collapse!ahaha. at dahil dyan...naisip ko...buti pa ang aming batch topnotcher...isa na syang CHRISTMAS TREE na tadtad ng decor sa dami ng alam niya.....habang ang mga tulad namin ay grass! AHAHAHAHAHA.

hay....actually ang dami pang laman ng brain ko pero meron akong aphasia at hindi ko sya maverbalize. ahahahaha. at great! hindi ko rin maalala kung ano yung aphasia na may comprehension pero walang sinasabi! huhuhuhu. i'm so lagooooooooooot. at 15 minutes na bigla. therefore....must stop this small holiday and go back to the wonderful world of biochem. haha.