somewhere only He knows...

I can't believe holy week is over. Now being almost half a year into the workforce,  I am craving vacation like it's sleep during med school days...which is so few and far between. and so since the Christmas break I was in anticipation for the next 4 days of nothingness that the holy week will bring. what with it being a time to reflect and all...so I came up with plans, like doing this and doing that (hindi ko na ie-elaborate dahil wala namang natupad sa kahit anong plan ko) to make sure that those 4 days of nothingness will surely be worth it. BUT NO! ano ang ginawa ko noong holy week? e di wala. tumunganga na naman ako na parang pakiramdam ko asa beach ako where time passes ever so slowly. 

In fairness to me, nag-attempt naman ako gumawa ng something na may katuturan for my future. I had a staring contest with Harrison's. literally nagtititgan lang kami the entire morning. with me just staring at its font size 6 filled pages of wisdom and telling myself...this is the BIBLE! this is the FUTURE! this is it! read this now! and after mga 3 hours...naka 4 pages lang ako ng DM chapter...all of which is nothing but a distant memory to me 4 days after. 

Then, when I realized I couldn't study, I tried to exercise. and then, I realized...I can no longer lift my legs up with straight knees without them shaking like I had some neurologic disorder or hypokalemia. so...therefore...I had nothing left to do...but watch TV...watch TV mass...watch lenten programs...go online....download pointless stuff....look for recipes for my mom in the internet...and finish pointless family projects like personalized tumblers, tarpaulins, and post-post-post wedding slideshows.

I can't believe hindi ko man lang na-organize ang songs sa itunes ko, or hindi man lang ako nakablog...about how a year ago, I was this tired intern with an immense fear of the upcoming board exams and eager for a new life ahead of her. AHAHAHAHAHAHA. then after volleying myself around the computer and my bed and in between playing marriage counselor to my parents or just pretending I'm alone....I found myself  sitting in mass on a black saturday listening to 7 readings in the mass and feeling so lost.

I am so lost I have been having nightmares of not finding that bottle of water when I am extremely thirsty. HAHAHA. such crazy worries that have been plaguing my mind. Then, a few hours ago, I woke up and reality has come back. 

I feel like I have just woken from a dream. Minsan iniisip ko sana it's a dream and I can rewind to that time after the board exam results. Maybe if I had tried harder, I would be in a happier place...with a definite future...where I'm not lost. Maybe if I had tried harder, I would now be worrying about where to find antibiotics, where to get money for my patient's mech vent. Mahirap pala pag bigla ka madetour. I still feel na hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin nawawala ang vertigo.

Buth...there comes the buth...in these past how many months, I have money, I have a life, I have a weekend, an ipod, a laptop, I have time, I have sleep. Things I have desperately craved for the past 5 years. so maybe, I am not lost...but am at a pitstop. 

and maybe now, it's time to refocus...and walk again.

plan-less weekend....priceless!

I remember one face time ages ago when Ate Smoketh and Ate Enjh and I trooped to Chocolate Kiss and concluded that one day we will have Facetime out of town edition...and yesterday we boarded a bus and found ourselves out of Manila!

AHAHAHA. ang nakakatawa ay walang planning masyado na naganap...well, the night before, in true med-school-exam-style-cramming session, ay naghanap hanap kami sa interneth ni Ate Enjh ng mga resorts wondering if we will be able to book one at 7pm on a Friday night. FOR MORE!!!!! initial plan was to go to Laiya buth after much contemplation and text messaging we decided we wanted to go the distance...and cross the seas to go to Puerto Galera. so 12 hours later we were onboard the bus to Batangas Port! at pagdating sa port parang magic na biglang may nagoffer ng roundtrip fare tickets to Puerto and then they were then selling us 6 gallons of bottled water dahil mahal daw doon sa island. and so, in pure Pinoy gullible-ness....bumili kami ng PINAKA overpriced na mineral water! and then they asked us..."meron na po ba kayong titirhan Ma'am?"

and then after a few minutes we were booked in Hollywood...palm resort. AHAHAHA. but before that kailangan magbangka papuntang isla. and when we boarded I felt as if I was watching a family TV sitcom right in front of me. dahil 12 nn ang sked  ng bangka namin at maglu-lunch na gutom na ang pamilyang ALTA from batangas (whose entire clan was sitting in front of us),  so mother alta asks tita alta for bread which she promptly divides to all her kapamilyas and then asks for palaman. at in pure ALTA fashion...ang palaman nila ay hindi mantikilya, cheez whiz, matamis na bao, kundi CREAM CHEESE from some middle eastern area.  at ang thought bubbles naming 3 na audience ay: OH NOOOOOOO! *cue in psycho movie theme song music* and so everyone in the family ate at least 1slice of bread with cream cheese with mother alta commencing by dipping her bread into the entire bottle of cheese. then Tita Alta gets the last piece of tasty and removes the plastic which housed the bread....and suddenly to my pure and utter horror dunks the plastic into the bottle of cheese and spreads it generously sa kanyang bread. AHAHA. parang modern family pinoy edition! for more! while all of this is happening mother alta is making kulit kuya alta to make picture-picture of the events with their nice new DSLR! ahahaha. start palang nasesense ko na  na magiging winner ang getaway na ito!

then after filling up the boat we set sail to the sandy beaches of Puerto Galera...only to be met by turbulent waves within 30 minutes from leaving the port. and then nagsimula na ang aming kinatatakutan...ang mass PAGSUSUKA na naganap mula sa pamilya ALTA who were now throwing up their cream cheese sandwich and gastric juice into the plastic bags the boatmen suddenly produced. parang papel na pinapasa sa classroom ang theme kapag may quiz! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. and then in pure hysteria fashion...pati ang mga hindi kapamilya ng mga ALTA ay nagsimula na ding mag-heave at masuka! OMG. parang 60% ng bangka nagsusuka! naisip namin buti nalang we were trained in pg...etch where the smell of suka is nothing out of the ordinary. and so naisip namin na para hindi kami masuka at maimmune kami sa kanilang spell ay inilabas namin ang aming trusty IPOD! and we blocked the sounds of their retching with our earphones! AHAHAHAHAHA.

after one hour in pure and utter excitement nakita narin namin ang SHORE! literally! so after disembarking we found ourselves on board the jeep to Hollywood....kung saan binati kami ng staff ng Welcome to Hollywood! AHAHAHAHA. and suddenly naisip namin asaan na ang aming golden ticket? and then...narealize namin na ...wala naman pala kami sa American Idol! AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

so the next two days were devoted to sleeping, swimming, whale-ing in the shore (aka as tumambay at magsunbathing sa shore), kwentuhan, TV watching and eating. LOOOOOOOOOVEEEEET! hahaha. small breaks are such bliss. sana laging pwede gawin yon. hahaha. 

we missed you HTGOF and SAFM! I'm sure if you were with us in SSB aka suka-suka boat maloloka kayo sa katatawa. hoping there's a next small budget-ed buth fun filled weekend in the coming months! :)


ooooh...and if you were wondering anong nangyari sa aming overpriced tubig? hindi namin siya nainom! AHAHAHA. at naiwan nalang siyang alaala at alay-kapwa. AHAHAHA.

happy yippee...YEHEY! AHAHAHA.

it has been said that your relationship with your mother is something so unique yet similar as it spans race, countries and galaxies...sa iba it can be picture perfect Gilmore Girls level or for some it can be as dramatic as the mothers and their children in Joy Luck Club. AHAHAHA. pinaka run-on sentence. anyhoo....

today is my mother's birthday and today I celebrate her life, all the trials she has encountered, those precious moments she will always remember, the precious times I saw her happy and the deep and dark mysteriousness of her soul (Ahoooooy!)...I thank God for giving her 58 years and pray for 58 years more. and though my relationship with my mother is as volatile as the earth's most noble gas...in short pinaka-kaguluhan...I know that all the things I complain about, and all the weirdness I don't understand are her different expressions of her love.

Happy Birthday Mommy! I pray that you be given the grace to find enjoyment and relaxation in your very stress-filled life. :)

hindi ko malimutan kung kailan nagsimula...

na maging jinarts at melancholy in life...AHAHAHAHAHA.

was watching the musical event of the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy and found myself so entertained. of course tawang tawa ako sa biglaang pag-burst into song ng mga characters in the middle of wheeling stretchers around the hospital or while discussing a patient's case and can't help but wonder...what if...God made people speak  in song? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. kakantahan mo ang patient mo na meron syang malalang sakit and stuff. or pag nakipagaway ka sa isang bantay failure ay sisinghalan mo sya  ng some hard core angry rocker song! AHAHAHA.

then habang pa-intense na ng pa-intense ang story ay naisip ko kung ilang beses ba na I wished that my life were just a 1 hour medical drama which starts and ends....and after which I will just lounge....minsan tuloy naiisip ko siguro secret dream kong maging....artista! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. WTHELELELELELLLLL!

anyway, spent another weekend at home where I got to enjoy simple things like playing "Guess the Maalala Mo Kaya episode title" with my parents and laughing like crazy with the auditionees of Pilipinas got Talent. AHAHAHAHA. oooooh. and getting teary-eyed over commercials by Nestle Phils...which make you wish that you had that kind of life. simple joys. must have more of these in life...for moooooooore happiness!

makapag-Coke nga! AHAHAHAHAHA.