Monday, May 30, 2011

fog-filled reflections...

today I told the Cigarette Smoking Man (aka as my boss)  that I will be leaving the mothership soon... to look back at the shore and go back to what I really want...which is to tunganga. JOKE! ahahahaha. 


the last two weekends have been reflective for me despite the fact that I spent it gallivanting around Tagaytay...to the point na tour guide level ang theme ko! at alam ko rin kung saan ang mahal at mura na hotel dahil sa aking new found source of power...which is....GOOGLE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

anyway, last weekend, HTGOF, Ate Smoketh and Ate Enjh and I had a super fun-action-packed-activity-filled weekend where we communed with nature, engaged in "sports" (and by sports I meant...picture taking and cable-car-"ing"), ate lots of food, went to the beach, swam in the pool, drank coffee, visited churches,  drove around fog filled streets, and had a happy dose of wifi! however I think the best part of it all was the observership. to those of you who don't know, observership is the process of sitting and staring into space with your friends, while your ears and eyes take in all your surroundings and your brain aka frontal lobe starts firing itself up with comment after comment (which you cannot blurt out loud for more!) hehehehehehe.

there are a lot of insights we got from our 2 day observership in Tagaytay. such as..

1. the pathognomonic sign of being an Alta are multiple ipad2s, dslrs, and a Conchita (*think Schwarznegger level* clue: naka scrubs din sila)
2. the prim and proper way of telling people that aalis ka na/mauuna ka na ay...."I'll take my leave"
3. do not believe the waiter when he says the smaller size of an ulam is for 2 people only.
4. do not judge a plate by its cover....dahil baka pansapin lang pala sya of something so large...like a kawali!
5. if you don't know something...google finds a way!
6. wifi makes the world a better place...and a quieter one...dahil lahat nakatitig sa gadget nila!
7. if you don't know the directions to where you're going....don't ask gas boys....hindi nila alam. dahil ang tunay na nakakaalam ay....GOOGLE MAPS!  AHAHAHAHAHA.
8. mas mahal pa ang table sa beach kesa ang pagpasok sa beach.
9. climate change is real....don't even bring a jacket in tagaytay during the day. walang point!
10. if transpo in Manila were Cable Cars, there will be no more weekends dahil late lahat ng tao! AHAHAHAHA.
11. all farm animals in the Philippines have protein energy malnutrition!
12. it is possible to survive on bread/cookies alone. ahahahahaha.
13. tagaytay highlands is one big smurfs village! it has those fence thingies!

anyway, last weekend was a success and was one of my most memorable weekend getaways. then this week, Tingle Bell, HTGOF and I watch Kung Fu Panda 2 which is filled with such insight such as inner peace and letting go of the past for more! which made me realize that despite the fact that our TV is getting busted and that our refrigerator needs to be replaced...hindi ibig sabihin na kelangan ko silang palitan now na or lahat ng furniture namin sa bahay for that matter. there is actually a  need to channel all my inner peace into residency and getting IN! ikr! because it is the future. ahahaha. so I read...and of course have an attention span of an ADHD kid so after 3 pages I stop...but at least....medyo nag mo-move naman ng mala-snail ang aking reading list. 


suddenly HTGOF texts that we are coming back this Sunday to Tagaytay with our med batchmates for moooore plan-less plans and chismis. I learned that our batchmates are now doing appendectomies on their own, can now recite from memory and teach other batchmates how to do nasotracheal intubation and do other specialist related things and I was suddenly hit with a realization ( or more of an inner inggit factor that they have so much learning)  that I really need to go back. like I really need to stop this transient time. and that I need to focus on the goal. so back to my first statement....I need to go back....to the shore. and now I suddenly remember all those cheesy rom-com movies I watch where there is this habulan portion in the airport at the last minute....to chase for the one you truly want to be with. AHOOOOOY. I hope this time I am successful. 

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

rolling in the deep....

I haven't written in a long time...mainly because after my last entry...I felt like I have gone down with a very bad bout of depression that not even multiple AHAHAHAHAHAHAs I type in this blog are enough to console me. coupled with that were an achy throat, enlarged tonsils, unrelenting fever and poor response to antibiotics that had me thinking really hard. dahil...hindi naman ako makapagsalita. HAHAHAHA.

the ever wise Smoketh told me maybe it's a sign to listen to what's being said in silence...but I felt sad because in all those days of silence, I felt I had sensorineural hearing loss. I remember sitting in SMF1 being utterly depressed and bursting into tears because I felt that maybe this is not the right path....this being my current career/profession. maybe I'm better off being someone else. but after 2 minutes with that train of thought, I realized I don't know how to be anything else. AHAHAHAHAHA.

so I just sucked it up and continued on...with life in the mothership. of a life I wanted to leave, to do something that is so pathetic...which is to stare in space and just for a moment in my life have nothing to worry about. no future talk, no money problems, no family problems....I just want to exist. AHAHAHAHA. feeling ko nasabi ko na ata ito dati HAHAHA.

I always delete the blog posts I come up with...because now...they are just unending rants of loneliness that are no longer funny. I feel like I'm in a dark and twisty place...alone. hay nakerrrrrrrrrr. hope the next time I write I have something more happy to talk about.