rolling in the deep....

I haven't written in a long time...mainly because after my last entry...I felt like I have gone down with a very bad bout of depression that not even multiple AHAHAHAHAHAHAs I type in this blog are enough to console me. coupled with that were an achy throat, enlarged tonsils, unrelenting fever and poor response to antibiotics that had me thinking really hard. dahil...hindi naman ako makapagsalita. HAHAHAHA.

the ever wise Smoketh told me maybe it's a sign to listen to what's being said in silence...but I felt sad because in all those days of silence, I felt I had sensorineural hearing loss. I remember sitting in SMF1 being utterly depressed and bursting into tears because I felt that maybe this is not the right path....this being my current career/profession. maybe I'm better off being someone else. but after 2 minutes with that train of thought, I realized I don't know how to be anything else. AHAHAHAHAHA.

so I just sucked it up and continued on...with life in the mothership. of a life I wanted to leave, to do something that is so pathetic...which is to stare in space and just for a moment in my life have nothing to worry about. no future talk, no money problems, no family problems....I just want to exist. AHAHAHAHA. feeling ko nasabi ko na ata ito dati HAHAHA.

I always delete the blog posts I come up with...because now...they are just unending rants of loneliness that are no longer funny. I feel like I'm in a dark and twisty place...alone. hay nakerrrrrrrrrr. hope the next time I write I have something more happy to talk about.